How Can I Help Someone Who Is Not Seeking Treatment?

You cannot force a person into rehab, but you can take steps to help them realize the scope of their addiction

A person’s addiction is obvious to everyone around him—except to the addict himself. While you and other loved ones can clearly see the signs that drug addiction has taken over his life, changed his demeanor and behavior and made life difficult for everyone, the addict is too consumed with drugs that he cannot or will not see the reality of the situation. You cannot force someone to seek treatment. However, you can take a few steps to help him realize that he has a problem.

Educate Yourself

Before you do anything, you need to educate yourself. According to a 2011 article from The Huffington Post, educating yourself about addiction—how it develops, its signs and its medical roots—can give you more confidence as you talk to your loved one about his specific situation. You don’t have to spend hundreds of hours of research because some of the elements of addiction are the same no matter what kind of drug your loved one is using.

Conduct an Intervention

One of the best options for you and other loved ones is to hold an intervention. An intervention is a meeting in which you and other family members or loved ones outline for the addict the symptoms of his addiction as well as instances in which his behavior has hurt you and even himself. Then you as a united front provide the addict with two options: enter rehab or face consequences.

Interventions work best with the help of a professional interventionist, or a mediator. These individuals are trained and experienced in helping your family through the process. They will be at the intervention to help diffuse emotions that run high and to keep the meeting on track. The interventionist will likely give you an outlined plan to follow. According to WebMD, common steps to an intervention include the following:

1. Decide to act – This may seem like an obvious first step, but many people start planning an intervention but never then waiver in their commitment. Stick to your conviction, and don’t quit.
2. Gather facts – You and other loved ones need to find out the extent of your loved one’s abuse. You may be surprised at the extent of his addiction. Addicts are great at hiding the truth. You’ll also need to research treatment options based on funding, work schedule and life situation.
3. Ask others to participate – These would include the addict’s spouse, children, parents and close friends. As a group determine when and where you will meet to talk about how you will present the facts of your loved one’s addiction.
4. Talk about consequences – You must determine what will happen if your loved one refuses treatment. This may include asking him to move out, removing children from the home or refusing to pay his expenses (gas, rent, insurance, etc.). Each of you will need to decide on individual consequences
5. Write a letter – Each person involved needs to write a letter to the addict. In that letter you will list occasions when the loved one’s addiction caused negative emotional, financial and/or physical harm. This is an opportunity for loved ones to voice both their love and concern, many for the first time.
6. Hold the meeting – The loved one is asked to a specific location without telling him or her why. Each person at the meeting shares the information he or she wrote down (step 5). This step is valuable for family members and friends because they may have never voiced their hurt before. The addict is then given the option to enter treatment or face the consequences you all outlined.
7. Follow up – If your loved one refuses treatment, let the consequences unfold. If he agrees to treatment, then provide the help and support you promised. You must not bargain or make deals to soften or remove the consequences. Otherwise the addict will continue in his behavior.

Family involvement is very important. A 2011 article from Psych Central indicated that most addicts seek drug abuse treatment because of positive family involvement and intervention. Do not undervalue your family’s influence.

Change the Rules

Every addict lives within a system of relationships, a way in which others relate to him. Very often those relationships are unhealthy or dysfunctional. For your own emotional wellbeing and the health of your loved one, you must start taking care of yourself first. This means making new rules—or setting new boundaries. Boundaries are simply limits we set for others and ourselves concerning acceptable and unacceptable behavior. According to a 2011 article from Psychology Today, boundary setting involves the following elements:

• Listening to your own feelings to know what you need
• Asking for what you need
• Telling a loved one about the boundaries
• Being clear about your expectations in the relationship
• Explaining consequences for crossing a boundary such as refusing to be around him
• Acting on your consequences
• Allowing the addict to own his own feelings

Boundaries can change as the relationship changes, but only as they help you maintain your emotional and physical health. These boundaries also let your loved one know that you are not ok with keeping the relationship the same.

Getting Treatment for Your Loved One’s Addiction

You may be at the early stages of getting information about your loved one’s addiction and the various treatment options for him. We can help. You can call our toll-free helpline any time, 24 hours a day. Our admissions coordinators can tell you about the various treatment approaches and facilities. We can even check your loved one’s insurance to see what is covered. There is hope for your loved one. Call us today to learn more.

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